A New York Yankee in Portland's Downtown, or Why a New Yorker would actually like this crunchy town

There are a lot of things about Portland New Yorkers might find unnerving. First, people in Portland are friendly -- Portlanders are just determined to help you. They will give you directions to your destination, they will help you with your groceries and they will have a conversation with you, about anything. They're just so gregarious and so ready to talk that for the more solitary New Yorker, so much niceness might seem smothering. Second, there are no cabs to be seen and no subways. There's a light rail that runs all through the city, but it lacks the grime, mystery and free music performances of New York City's metro system. Portland is also absurdly clean -- there is not a cigarette butt to be found on the streets. Of course New Yorkers are used to a bit of a pollution. Despite Portland's lack of the few things that New Yorkers deem as truly essential for daily living,and despite Portland's overwhelming friendliness and eco-consciousness, even the most New York of New Yorkers can find themselves at home in this Northwest city. And here's why:

1. Dogs
New Yorkers love their dogs and take them everywhere with them. Luckily so do Portlanders, and perhaps Oregonians in general. Portland dogs can be found in hotels, in the park, on the street, on the beach and in the restaurants. From big scruffy dogs to little purse size dogs (though, I'd say the majority are capable of chasing sticks, as opposed to toothpicks).


2. Happy Hour
Every bar in Portland has happy hour from 4-6PM, at way more reasonable prices than in New York. The Hotel Monaco has free wine tasting everyday except Sunday (and they don't check room #s... insider's tip >>wink, wink<<). The Portland City Grill has Happy Hour all night on Sunday. Way to start the week!! wooot.

3. Restaurants
Portland is teeming with good places to eat and the value is fantastic. The restaurants tend to feature local providers -- which means super fresh and yummy.

4. Districts
New Yorkers are used to their neighborhoods -- we've got the village and chelsea, chinatown, and SoHo. Well Portland has the Pearl,Nob Hill, Downtown, Chinatown... etc. Oh, and did I mention the whole city is on a grid system!

5. Homeless People
There are not too many people on the streets in Portland, but there are a healthy number of homeless people on the corners. They're cleaner looking than New York homeless people which might throw a visitor off -- they are easily confused with leftover hippies.

6. Coffee Shops and Voodoo Doughnuts
There is no shortage of caffeine refueling stations in Portland. Starbucks, local coffeehouses, tea shops -- yea, the city has a place to fill up your cuppa on practically every corner. And did I mention that all the coffee is actually delicious and not bitter. Then there's Voodoo Doughnuts, the greatest doughnut on the planet, to go with your free-trade coffee. Bagels pale in comparison.

Reasons Why I Love Portland

1. Powell's Books
Touted as the world's largest independent bookseller, Powell's is the word-lover's El Dorado. Seriously, they have everything. I've also decided this is the best place in North America to pick up an intellectual for a drink-date.

2. The People
Soooo friendly! And I've decided also very educated. All the employees at our hotel list their favorite artist on their name tag. One of the women who works the front desk has listed William Hogarth -- now to name Hogarth as your favorite artist means you have had more art history than art hum and are very likely a print nerd. And then everyone wants to talk to you when they meet you. It's almost a little unnerving how nice everyone is... especially when you're a new yorker. So far, I've had more lengthy conversations with strangers in two days than I have in Manhattan in a year. I swear, we almost hug before we say good-bye.

3.The Hotel Monaco
Whimsical and comfy, boutique but not snobby, this has fast become one of my favorite hotels in the US (and I'm a frequent frequenter of Fairmonts, Four Seasons and Ritz Carltons). The decorators are not afraid of highly-saturated hues, particularly in the public spaces which invoke 19th century orientalism but with a sleek, modern finish that prevents it from feeling garish or ornate. The staff is typical Portland friendly and extremely knowledgeable. A small bureau in our room was faced with the portrait busts of the West's greatest philosophers -- basically, the Core's greatest hits list. Every day from 4-6, there is a complimentary wine tasting in the lobby area that features local Oregonian vintages. The hotel is also pet friendly.

4. Art
Portlanders love art and are proud of their artists. It's everywhere -- even the public drinking fountains are sculptural. Portland has an active gallery scene and a well-respected museum. In NYC, "art lovers" are hipsters who love to be seen, who sport skinny jeans/tights with rayban sunglasses and wear layered haircuts with oversized 5-year-old style bangs. In Portland, it seems everyone is an art lover -- hipster jeans or no.

5. James Lavadour
This is really a follow up to #4, but Lavadour is so amazing that he requires his own number. He is my favorite contemporary artist, hands down. I had the opportunity to hear him speak about his work at an artist's symposium back when I was working at the NMAI in 2007. Luminous and organic, his ephemeral landscape paintings depict no specific locations. The geological structures appear out of the veil of paint like ghosts.

I just Shelled out another $100 grand and I don't even get a stripe.

I just bought my cap and gown for Columbia Commencement, Redux 2009: The Master's Edition. It cost $54 + 4 semesters at 23,000 a pop. Like the CU BA cap and gown, it's a powder blue with two black flaps encrusted with the Columbia Crown on the chest. Now, you would think that as a graduate earning a Master's degree there would be a hood, or a stripe or some other embellishment that would distinguish me from the bachelor degree recipients who will be standing to my left at commencement.

Ya... no.

The sleeves are longer? Yea... That's it. The sleeves are longer. I think I can store an apple in them in case I get hungry during Prez Bo's speech. Thanks Columbia.

I'm standing here holding this hideous construction of cheap periwinkle fabric, packaging strewn on the floor, and all i can think is "i should have cut an inch off the bottom of my undergrad gown and tacked it on to the sleeves." What the hell am I going to do with TWO identical caps and gowns? At least when I graduated in 2007 i was a class marshall, so I had one of those gold ropes on my shoulders.

Seriously Columbia, I love you, but really, don't you think I deserve a stripe or something? I mean you refused to fund my MA... in the very least give me the cap and gown for free?

If I were a song writer...

I definitely wouldn't win a Grammy... but maybe a CMA?
Here's evidence for why this is not a viable career option for me in these disembodied lyrics that pop into my head while on the tredmill:

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that guy at the gym, in the Yankee shirt, looked just like you/ he reminded me how long it took to get over all we'd been through/ damn those biceps because they just won't let me forget the way I loved you

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Maybe we could leave tonight, my bags are already packed. It's a round trip ticket with a return date in the corner. But I know I wouldn't mind if we decided to stay a lifetime.

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I said I wanted fame and red hot corvette/ some Gucci sandals and a house on the beach/ I said I wanted Oprah eating out the palm of my hand and Letterman lined up for a one night stand/ but I forgot how I said I'd get there/ the doors are closed and I just don't have the key/ just an old guitar and some broken down dreams

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he wears his polo shirt second hand and a size too big/ but can you blame him when his favorite designer is the Good Will?/ he ain't got game or a swagger to kill/ but behind those spectacles he's got the kind of hazel eyes that just won't let me say good-bye

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I need a Whole Foods Bag full of money aight?

Planting a Change Garden

During the First and Second World Wars, Americans were forced to deal with food rationing and limited accessibility to items that had, for the entirety of their lifetimes, been used on a daily basis. "Working your own little patch of ground is part of the home front fighter's front-line assignment," wrote horticulturist Dr. Frank Thorne in 1943, "Chief weapon should be tomatoes."

Today, we're at war in Iraq but more devastating is the war we face at home -- the one against a crumbling economy. Then there's the war against global warming. Might it be time again to resurrect the Victory Garden?

Alice Waters and the group behind Revive the Victory Garden certainly think so. The farm to table trend in food doesn't have to be limited to high-end restaurants, or the economically sound who can afford all organic produce all the time. Plant a vegetable garden, and your home can be the next Blue Hill at Stone Barns.

As someone who is so very into organic and local produce, this is now my new project. I have a half acre of empty property (that had once been a highly productive apple orchard) and as of May 3rd, an indeterminate amount of time to tend to my tomatoes, lettuces, herbs, and zucchinis.

So anyone out there know how to work a plow?

Recession? Apparently not in South Beach

Every day the New York Times tells me we're in the midst of a financial crisis. In case I forget, the radio news, the television news, the homeless guy on the corner, the schools I applied to for my PhD and my bank account all find ways to remind me that money is scarce, a depression has hit us and it's going to take a while to get back up.

But if you ask the Ritz Carlton South Beach, or anyone in South Beach right now, they'll tell you something different. Money is flowing there -- thick and quickly, right out of the pockets of well-dressed men in Prada sunglasses and Ferragamo loafers. The high end bars of the Shore Club and the Delano, where martinis are $16 a pop, haven't yet felt the pull of tightening belts. Sitting outside of Nobu at the Shore Club, sipping sake, I watched Rolex Submariner clad wrists drop Benjamin Franklins and Amex Black cards on the wooden bar in front of me. There wasn't an ounce of concern in their eyes. As they wrapped their tanned arms around the under-dressed, well-bejeweled women at their side, it was clear -- there was more of that where that came from.

Poolside at the Ritz, a group of 5 people rented one of the luxury lounge beds for two days at $400 a day. The lounge beds included a fruit plate and some champagne. But that wasn't enough for them. They proceeded to order champagne and margaritas like they were tap water. I suspected they were there with the Miami Film Festival. Only Hollywood wannabes would think that kind of spending was a good idea... recession or no recession. And apparently, the film industry is the only one making money right now. No one wants to watch CNN anymore and hear about how their entire savings, which is invested in Citigroup Stock, has vanished, so they're spending what income they have in the theaters on depressing movies about broken marriages and the Holocaust. Go figure.

It was a bit surprising. You would think with companies cutting back the high roller hotels and restaurants would be suffering a bit. But not in the slightest. The people that have the kind of money that buys you cars like most people buy chewing gum, always have money. And those people were all in South Beach with me.

Clearly all the other under-30 women who were there knew about these and neglected to send me the memo that said: If you want to land one of these titanium amex toting gents, or just go out in Miami, whip out the 5-inch cork-heel sandals, mico minis and double padded pushup bras, straighten your hair and apply enough eyeliner so you look like a raccoon. I haven't seen so many average looking women so over made-up, so under dressed and so unbalanced on their feet since the last Miss America Pageant. I guess they had all taken a page out of Patti Stanger's book. There I was at the Shore Club bar, minimalist makeup, dressed in a high-waisted knee-length black Cynthia Steffe skirt with a black lace top I had bought in 2000 (no joke) and flat sandals, surrounded by boobs, bad Pucci knockoff minidresses and skyscraper espadrilles feeling like a mushroom. Apparently, New York chic doesn't get you sake refills in Miami Beach.

Ladies Love Country Boys: The Truth About Country

Country is an under-appreciated over mocked genre.

Okay, sure there are a lot of songs with super corny moralizing stories about the wrongs of drinking and driving or about God's mysterious ways. But if there's two things Country know how to do it's make fun of itself and how to lay one mean guitar riff.

Country believes in paying homage to its legends. Everyone that won an award at the CMAs this year thanked the musicians who came before and inspired them. There's something nice about a genre of music that openly acknowledges that it has a past that has shaped its present. I also love the way sooo many country songs today reference the Greats in their lyrics. Here's a handful:
Kid Rock -- All Summer long
Jason Alden -- Johnny Cash
Trace Adkins -- Ladies Love Country Boys
Taylor Swift -- Tim McGraw

Country is a genre that limits the amount of ass-wiggling in its videos. Take Lady Antebellum's "Lookin' for a Good Time." It's a song about a one-night stand but the video is a 1960s, American Bandstand type concert. It's so nice to see people singing in music videos for a change. And then there's Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" -- a song about ass wiggling, but one that effectively makes fun of all those rap videos with under-clad gyrating females. It's my favorite answer to Sir Mix Alot's I like Big Butts.

Country is a music of images and of serious guitar. Listen to the lyrics (in songs other than the one's i've linked to): they do more than tell stories, they actually create vivid photograph snapshot scenes.It's actually hard for me to understand Tom Petty and Jimi Hendrix fans who say they hate country. Or old school rock n' roll fans for that matter. As far as I can tell, it's the only popular genre left today that still emphasizes the singer-musician and multilayer instrumentals. Timberland wouldn't survive a minute in Nashville... and I think that's a wondrous thing.