Monday, March 16, 2009

If I were a song writer...


I definitely wouldn't win a Grammy... but maybe a CMA?
Here's evidence for why this is not a viable career option for me in these disembodied lyrics that pop into my head while on the tredmill:

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that guy at the gym, in the Yankee shirt, looked just like you/ he reminded me how long it took to get over all we'd been through/ damn those biceps because they just won't let me forget the way I loved you

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Maybe we could leave tonight, my bags are already packed. It's a round trip ticket with a return date in the corner. But I know I wouldn't mind if we decided to stay a lifetime.

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I said I wanted fame and red hot corvette/ some Gucci sandals and a house on the beach/ I said I wanted Oprah eating out the palm of my hand and Letterman lined up for a one night stand/ but I forgot how I said I'd get there/ the doors are closed and I just don't have the key/ just an old guitar and some broken down dreams

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he wears his polo shirt second hand and a size too big/ but can you blame him when his favorite designer is the Good Will?/ he ain't got game or a swagger to kill/ but behind those spectacles he's got the kind of hazel eyes that just won't let me say good-bye

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I need a Whole Foods Bag full of money aight?

Planting a Change Garden


During the First and Second World Wars, Americans were forced to deal with food rationing and limited accessibility to items that had, for the entirety of their lifetimes, been used on a daily basis. "Working your own little patch of ground is part of the home front fighter's front-line assignment," wrote horticulturist Dr. Frank Thorne in 1943, "Chief weapon should be tomatoes."

Today, we're at war in Iraq but more devastating is the war we face at home -- the one against a crumbling economy. Then there's the war against global warming. Might it be time again to resurrect the Victory Garden?

Alice Waters and the group behind Revive the Victory Garden certainly think so. The farm to table trend in food doesn't have to be limited to high-end restaurants, or the economically sound who can afford all organic produce all the time. Plant a vegetable garden, and your home can be the next Blue Hill at Stone Barns.

As someone who is so very into organic and local produce, this is now my new project. I have a half acre of empty property (that had once been a highly productive apple orchard) and as of May 3rd, an indeterminate amount of time to tend to my tomatoes, lettuces, herbs, and zucchinis.

So anyone out there know how to work a plow?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Recession? Apparently not in South Beach

Every day the New York Times tells me we're in the midst of a financial crisis. In case I forget, the radio news, the television news, the homeless guy on the corner, the schools I applied to for my PhD and my bank account all find ways to remind me that money is scarce, a depression has hit us and it's going to take a while to get back up.

But if you ask the Ritz Carlton South Beach, or anyone in South Beach right now, they'll tell you something different. Money is flowing there -- thick and quickly, right out of the pockets of well-dressed men in Prada sunglasses and Ferragamo loafers. The high end bars of the Shore Club and the Delano, where martinis are $16 a pop, haven't yet felt the pull of tightening belts. Sitting outside of Nobu at the Shore Club, sipping sake, I watched Rolex Submariner clad wrists drop Benjamin Franklins and Amex Black cards on the wooden bar in front of me. There wasn't an ounce of concern in their eyes. As they wrapped their tanned arms around the under-dressed, well-bejeweled women at their side, it was clear -- there was more of that where that came from.

Poolside at the Ritz, a group of 5 people rented one of the luxury lounge beds for two days at $400 a day. The lounge beds included a fruit plate and some champagne. But that wasn't enough for them. They proceeded to order champagne and margaritas like they were tap water. I suspected they were there with the Miami Film Festival. Only Hollywood wannabes would think that kind of spending was a good idea... recession or no recession. And apparently, the film industry is the only one making money right now. No one wants to watch CNN anymore and hear about how their entire savings, which is invested in Citigroup Stock, has vanished, so they're spending what income they have in the theaters on depressing movies about broken marriages and the Holocaust. Go figure.

It was a bit surprising. You would think with companies cutting back the high roller hotels and restaurants would be suffering a bit. But not in the slightest. The people that have the kind of money that buys you cars like most people buy chewing gum, always have money. And those people were all in South Beach with me.

Clearly all the other under-30 women who were there knew about these and neglected to send me the memo that said: If you want to land one of these titanium amex toting gents, or just go out in Miami, whip out the 5-inch cork-heel sandals, mico minis and double padded pushup bras, straighten your hair and apply enough eyeliner so you look like a raccoon. I haven't seen so many average looking women so over made-up, so under dressed and so unbalanced on their feet since the last Miss America Pageant. I guess they had all taken a page out of Patti Stanger's book. There I was at the Shore Club bar, minimalist makeup, dressed in a high-waisted knee-length black Cynthia Steffe skirt with a black lace top I had bought in 2000 (no joke) and flat sandals, surrounded by boobs, bad Pucci knockoff minidresses and skyscraper espadrilles feeling like a mushroom. Apparently, New York chic doesn't get you sake refills in Miami Beach.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Ladies Love Country Boys: The Truth About Country

Country is an under-appreciated over mocked genre.

Okay, sure there are a lot of songs with super corny moralizing stories about the wrongs of drinking and driving or about God's mysterious ways. But if there's two things Country know how to do it's make fun of itself and how to lay one mean guitar riff.

Country believes in paying homage to its legends. Everyone that won an award at the CMAs this year thanked the musicians who came before and inspired them. There's something nice about a genre of music that openly acknowledges that it has a past that has shaped its present. I also love the way sooo many country songs today reference the Greats in their lyrics. Here's a handful:
Kid Rock -- All Summer long
Jason Alden -- Johnny Cash
Trace Adkins -- Ladies Love Country Boys
Taylor Swift -- Tim McGraw

Country is a genre that limits the amount of ass-wiggling in its videos. Take Lady Antebellum's "Lookin' for a Good Time." It's a song about a one-night stand but the video is a 1960s, American Bandstand type concert. It's so nice to see people singing in music videos for a change. And then there's Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" -- a song about ass wiggling, but one that effectively makes fun of all those rap videos with under-clad gyrating females. It's my favorite answer to Sir Mix Alot's I like Big Butts.

Country is a music of images and of serious guitar. Listen to the lyrics (in songs other than the one's i've linked to): they do more than tell stories, they actually create vivid photograph snapshot scenes.It's actually hard for me to understand Tom Petty and Jimi Hendrix fans who say they hate country. Or old school rock n' roll fans for that matter. As far as I can tell, it's the only popular genre left today that still emphasizes the singer-musician and multilayer instrumentals. Timberland wouldn't survive a minute in Nashville... and I think that's a wondrous thing.