Art? Art History! It's reputable!

Questions folks have asked me about my life as an art historian, my replies, their responses:

At the salon to a visibly very wealthy woman:
"You're at Columbia! That's fantastic. So is my son. What are you studying."
"I'm a grad student in art history."
My mother: "But she did her undergrad there in Economics."
Woman: "Well thank goodness for that. She knows some men then."
Me: "Not enough that make enough money. That's why I study in the business school library."

With a friend:
"So, are there any straight men in art history."
"Yes! There are 3."
"In your program?"
"No. In the whole world of art history. oh, and 2 are married."


With my High School Physics teacher:
"What are you doing graduate work in?"
"Art history."
"So that means you're going to be a barista at Starbucks."
"No, that means I'm going to own a coffee shop in the east village."
"So really you plan to unemployed."
"More or less."

With my nail technician:
"What can you do with a PhD in Art History? Be a curator at the Met or something?"
"Sure. But I want to be a professor and write books."
"Is there any money in that?"
"Not really. But I plan to marry well, so it'll be okay."


at a book launch at an art gallery:
"So what kind of art do you study?"
"American art, but I focus on the period between 1860 and 1940."
"Why that particular field?"
"Because no one believes there was art in American before 1940."


At an alumni event 2 days later:
"What kind of art do you study?"
"American Art made between 1860 and 1940."
"There was art in American before 1940?"


At a downtown party, with a lawyer:
"What are you writing your paper on?"
"I'm working on a piece about images of logging on the West Coast of Canada and in general, the history of environmentalist concerns in Canadian painting. So, I'm focusing on this fantastic early 20th century Canadian artist names Emily Carr and a contemporary indigenous Canadian painter."
"There are artists in Canada?"


A Friend:
"So why exactly do you want to rush back into academia?"
"Because my boobs are too small for me to have a viable career as a porn star."
(tilted head, squinted eyes. pauses. I laugh, they laugh. inquisitor assumes look of relief)